Global warming

Global warming, also known as "Monkey Love" or: International House Warming, is a theology allegedly created by Cali Lewis. It states that unless humans return to a life balanced with nature (i.e. living in caves), the polar ice caps will melt and life as it's known today will cease to exist in the biblical flood of 1985. This theory has been popularized by a large group of celebrities, scientists, Fox newscasters, anyone who watches the view, and wholly honest politicians mostly consisting of Al Gore the first - and also individuals with a great list of accomplishments from the invention of the Internet to saving humanity from the ozone hole. Despite tremendous support from liberal crackpots, Hollywood communists scientist and prophet Gore right wingers continue to insist the entire theory is nothing more than a scam created by people with political agendas, and corporations with financial agendas. Although most of the so called believers are left wing potheads many right wingers, after realizing the profit potential have joined the crusade to stop Global Warming in the hopes of raising enough campaign money for Shara Palin in 2012, though they still maintain the Earth is a flat disc in the middle of the universe. Today Global Warming is accepted as a scientific fact because Progressive Era propagandists such as John Dewey used infiltration techniques to corrupt the American schools turning them into individual liberal think tanks.

Main cause

A polar bear swimming happily in the ocean, though not as happily as he would be if the photographer would piss off and let him wack off in peace.
The main cause of Global Warming is said to be emissions of the well known, highly poisonous and destructive gas Carbon Dioxide (Molecular formula C666SmL) which is emitted largely by planes, everyone with a computer (you should all be ashamed) trains, automobiles, trucks with the peeing Calvin sticker, volcanoes, nuclear power plants, beans (the musical fruit), the entire transient population of Transanistria, California forest fires (the ones caused by teens building bonfires during the dry, windy seasons), fat people farting too much after eating Burger King (mostly Americans) drunken hippies singing at anti-capitalist rallies, the latter of which accounts for at least 69.411% of all emissions and God himself (after getting bored one day and decidding the apocalypse wasn't coming fast enough). Currently most countries accept Global Warming as a threat to life and are working to actively solve the crisis the only exception to this is the president of Czechoslovakia and Hitler worshiper Vaclav Klaus who claims Global Warming is a Giant Octopus with unicorn breasts and has created a carbon emissions program with the goal of doubling the current carbon levels by 2230. This as would be expected has angered Al Gore who has since called for Klaus' head burnt on a silver platter so he can eat all that carbon. While individuals such as Klaus continue to deny the existence of Global Warming and work to make the problem worse, others such as the Chinese are working hard to curb the problem by increasing the number of coal plants and feeding babies lead tainted milk. While other nations such as the E.U., Britain, Mexico and Papua New Guinea have raised gas taxes in an effort to reduce demand and emissions. But the most ambitious effort has been undertaken by the USSR who have vowed to bomb the shit out of countries with non-soviet owned pipelines, an ambitious plan praised by many such a USSA house speaker Nancy and Al Gore who commented “The Russians are setting a good example with their use of carbon neutral bombs...now give me a hummer.as well global warming is gay that is politically incorrect. ”

Evidence of Global Warming

Global warming has largely been caused by the farts of Dick Cheney. While a normal fart contains only a trace of methane, (which is a powerful greenhouse gas) Dick Cheney's farts are almost 100% methane. Power companies from USA are already trying to tap in this inexhaustible source of methane. But Cheney is firmly holding onto the gas, to run his private jets.
Global Warming is bad for the environment, meaning it must be our fault, Obey. It's a well known fact that our factories have the ability to pump several times more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than currently exists on the planet. A simple solution is to ban all fire-after all, what has fire ever done for us?

The loss of pirates is the real reason for global warming
Breathing, much like eating and drinking, has been shown to increase CO2 emissions. Most experts agree that being taxed for the air we breathe is a legitimate way to reduce global warming, very intelligent. All animals that breathe will also be taxed. Those who cannot pay will be charged three appendages for every violation.
Existing is commonly cited as the most influential cause of global warming. Fortunately, eco-friendly groups such as Al Qaeda and Al Gore help cut down on existing, and existence is predicted to reach an all-time low by 2012.
The fact is, global warming is a form of science. It has the support of at least a small number of scientists. Scientists corporate owners. Only anti-scientific extremists oppose it. "Hoof Hearted."
Global Warming Season
With the announcement of Penguins being an endangered species stricter hunting laws have been placed on them. This, however does not do much so a new step was taken: Global Warming Season.
It is now legal (and encouraged) to hunt global warming. See some warm air? Shoot it. Found some aerosol? Shoot it. See someone driving a hummer? Blow up the hummer. Do your part today to fight global warming and save the polar bears.
History of Global Warming
One summer day scientists were studying the expansion of mercury in a thermometer due to an increase in temperature. As they watched the mercury expand to the upper part of the thermometer they came to one realization: the earth was getting hotter! This yearly crisis that has previously gone entirely unnoticed was now sparking questions like "How do we stop this?". Billions of dollars were spent in research showing that cars and jets were a primary cause of the strange global climate. The researchers all backed one man to rally people against all the causes of this global emergency his name is Al Gore. He made the crisis of global warming known to the world by flying to various locations in his private jet and large SUV's and making speeches. Later, it was discovered that the primary cause of global warming was in fact Al Gore. His jets and and SUV's (which are ALWAYS running) The scientists did not want to admit that the man that they had relied on for so long had really been unknowingly against them. So they just continued to support him regardless of how he made fools of them and himself. After some time thermometers began to show lower temperatures. This meant one thing: THE EARTH WAS GETTING COLDER! Global cooling was a major issue for a few months and then summer came again and the worry was once again: Global warming. The worry went back and forth making one cycle each year until it was realized that there was not just global Warming and global cooling, there was something much greater...... it was a Global climate Crisis!

From :http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Global_warming